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It’s all gotta go, the items that have the country at fever pitch.
Government Lie Detector Unit: Electric model. Attractive soft, dark brown surface with consistent faecal odor. Red light flashes when the government is lying about the H5N1 figures. To deactivate red light, unplug unit.
Rubber Face Masks. Don’t be fooled by standard masks with pores the size of an army of viruses. Get these poreless, peerless models. Includes frowny-faces so that you can blend in with the general populace.
6-pack Vinegar. Out they go. Medicinal value indicated by recent sales in the millions of bottles. Those viruses won’t want to know you after you down a good vinegar six-pack.
Whito Bleach. The latest fragrance in these rapidly changing times. Don’t be left out. Spray it on household items; the car; even apply to bodily extremities before making love. Guaranteed to suppress libido and thus minimize transmission opportunities. [...]
